7 min read
mood: reflective
📱
The 2 AM Scroll
It is 2 AM. I am scrolling through Instagram looking at faces that do not have scars while touching my own. Every swipe is another person who does not have to think about what I think about every day. I am not enjoying this. I know I am not enjoying this. But I keep scrolling anyway.
That is the trap. And I have fallen into it more times than I want to admit.
That is the trap. And I have fallen into it more times than I want to admit.
🎬 Everyone's Best Day vs. Your Worst Thought
🎬
Everyone's Best Day vs. Your Worst Thought
The thing about social media is you already know this but it does not matter. Everyone is posting their best angles, their best moments, their best days. You know it is curated. You know it is not the full picture. And you still compare yourself to it anyway.
When you already feel different, those platforms turn into a constant feed of everything you are not. Clear skin. Straight teeth. Symmetrical faces. Confident selfies from people who probably never had to think about whether the camera was on their good side because they do not have a bad one.
I used to spend hours looking at beauty content and lifestyle posts from people who looked nothing like me. Not because I liked it. Because I could not stop measuring the distance between what I saw and what I looked like. Every perfectly symmetrical face was confirmation that something was wrong with me. I knew it was irrational while I was doing it. That did not make me stop.
When you already feel different, those platforms turn into a constant feed of everything you are not. Clear skin. Straight teeth. Symmetrical faces. Confident selfies from people who probably never had to think about whether the camera was on their good side because they do not have a bad one.
I used to spend hours looking at beauty content and lifestyle posts from people who looked nothing like me. Not because I liked it. Because I could not stop measuring the distance between what I saw and what I looked like. Every perfectly symmetrical face was confirmation that something was wrong with me. I knew it was irrational while I was doing it. That did not make me stop.
🤖 The Algorithm Works Against You
🤖
The Algorithm Works Against You
The platforms learn what keeps you scrolling. And if you are someone who lingers on content that makes you feel bad about yourself, the algorithm takes that as a signal to show you more of it. It does not care about your mental health. It cares about engagement metrics.
I realized at some point that I was training my own feed to attack me. Lingering on posts that made me feel inadequate. Searching for people who looked normal just to compare. Engaging with content that highlighted every single thing I thought was wrong with me. I was building a machine designed to make me feel worse and then sitting in front of it every night.
I realized at some point that I was training my own feed to attack me. Lingering on posts that made me feel inadequate. Searching for people who looked normal just to compare. Engaging with content that highlighted every single thing I thought was wrong with me. I was building a machine designed to make me feel worse and then sitting in front of it every night.
🔍
When Different Starts Feeling Like Broken
Social media does this thing where it takes your differences and reframes them as deficits. When every other post is someone living confidently with clear skin and an easy smile, being different stops feeling like just being different. It starts feeling like being behind. Like everyone else got instructions on how to be a normal human and you missed that day.
I used to see people posting about their lives without any hesitation and think they must not have anything they need to hide. Meanwhile I am over here strategically cropping photos and avoiding certain angles and never posting anything that shows too much of what I actually look like.
And the comparison is not just about appearance. Other people seemed more confident. More successful. More put together. More everything. When you are already carrying the weight of feeling different, social media just adds more to the pile.
I used to see people posting about their lives without any hesitation and think they must not have anything they need to hide. Meanwhile I am over here strategically cropping photos and avoiding certain angles and never posting anything that shows too much of what I actually look like.
And the comparison is not just about appearance. Other people seemed more confident. More successful. More put together. More everything. When you are already carrying the weight of feeling different, social media just adds more to the pile.
🔄
How I Started Breaking Out of It
This did not happen overnight. But I started being intentional about what I was feeding myself. I unfollowed accounts that consistently made me feel bad even if those people were not doing anything wrong. I started following people who actually looked like me, who shared real experiences, who posted things that were not polished to the point of being fake.
I also started paying attention to how I felt after a scrolling session. If I put my phone down feeling inspired or connected, that was fine. If I put it down feeling hollow and inadequate, that was information. That meant something needed to change.
The practical stuff that actually helped me was setting time limits on apps so I could not just disappear into a scroll for hours, curating my feed around interests instead of appearances, and reminding myself constantly that a post is a snapshot. It is not someone's whole life. It is the two seconds they chose to show you.
I also started paying attention to how I felt after a scrolling session. If I put my phone down feeling inspired or connected, that was fine. If I put it down feeling hollow and inadequate, that was information. That meant something needed to change.
The practical stuff that actually helped me was setting time limits on apps so I could not just disappear into a scroll for hours, curating my feed around interests instead of appearances, and reminding myself constantly that a post is a snapshot. It is not someone's whole life. It is the two seconds they chose to show you.
✍️ Making Things Instead of Just Watching
✍️
Making Things Instead of Just Watching
The thing that shifted things the most for me was starting to create instead of just consume. Not polished content trying to compete with what I was seeing. Just honest stuff about my actual experience. What it is like to live with a cleft. What I am building. What I am thinking about.
When I started putting my real story out there, something changed. I was not just sitting in the audience comparing myself to everyone on stage anymore. I was contributing something that was actually real. And the responses showed me how many other people were sitting behind their own screens feeling the exact same way I was. Thinking they were the only ones.
That is the thing about the comparison trap. It makes you think you are alone in it. You are not.
When I started putting my real story out there, something changed. I was not just sitting in the audience comparing myself to everyone on stage anymore. I was contributing something that was actually real. And the responses showed me how many other people were sitting behind their own screens feeling the exact same way I was. Thinking they were the only ones.
That is the thing about the comparison trap. It makes you think you are alone in it. You are not.
💣
The Part Everyone Knows But Forgets
Most of what you see on social media is not real. You know this. The lighting is strategic. The angles are chosen. The filters are doing heavy lifting. People are showing you the best two percent of their life and you are comparing your unedited hundred percent to it.
That does not mean people are being dishonest. Most people are just sharing what they want to share. But when you forget that and start treating curated content like it is someone's actual reality, you are comparing your rough draft to their final cut. You will lose that comparison every single time.
That does not mean people are being dishonest. Most people are just sharing what they want to share. But when you forget that and start treating curated content like it is someone's actual reality, you are comparing your rough draft to their final cut. You will lose that comparison every single time.
""Where I Am Now
I am not going to tell you to delete your apps. Sometimes a break helps and I have taken them. But the real shift for me was not about leaving social media. It was about changing my relationship with it. Using it to connect with people instead of measuring myself against them. Sharing real things instead of hiding behind curated versions of myself.
Your differences are not deficits. I know social media makes them feel that way sometimes. I still have nights where I fall back into the scroll and start comparing again. The difference now is I recognize it faster. I put the phone down sooner. And I remind myself that the goal was never to become someone else. It was to get more comfortable being who I already am.