6 min read
mood: empowering
🫂
The Shrinking Habit
You know that feeling when you walk into a room and immediately start calculating how to make yourself as small as possible? Yeah, me too. For most of my life, I've been an expert at shrinking—taking the corner seat, speaking quietly, apologizing for existing before anyone even asked me to.
But here's what I'm learning: taking up space isn't about being loud or demanding attention. It's about existing without apology.
But here's what I'm learning: taking up space isn't about being loud or demanding attention. It's about existing without apology.
🔍 The Art of Shrinking
🔍
The Art of Shrinking
Growing up with a cleft lip and palate taught me to be hyperaware of my presence everywhere I went. I'd:
- Scan rooms for the least visible spots
- Practice conversations in my head to avoid stumbling over words
- Perfect the art of blending into backgrounds
I became so good at making myself smaller that I forgot I had a right to be full-sized.
In restaurants, I'd choose seats facing away from other diners. In meetings, I'd sit where the lighting was dim. In photos, I'd position myself strategically or just offer to be the one taking the picture. Every space felt like a negotiation how much of me could I reveal without making others uncomfortable?
The exhausting part wasn't just the physical positioning; it was the mental energy. Constantly monitoring:
- My volume
- My facial expressions
- My body language
- Making sure I wasn't taking up too much conversational space, too much physical space, too much emotional space
- Scan rooms for the least visible spots
- Practice conversations in my head to avoid stumbling over words
- Perfect the art of blending into backgrounds
I became so good at making myself smaller that I forgot I had a right to be full-sized.
In restaurants, I'd choose seats facing away from other diners. In meetings, I'd sit where the lighting was dim. In photos, I'd position myself strategically or just offer to be the one taking the picture. Every space felt like a negotiation how much of me could I reveal without making others uncomfortable?
The exhausting part wasn't just the physical positioning; it was the mental energy. Constantly monitoring:
- My volume
- My facial expressions
- My body language
- Making sure I wasn't taking up too much conversational space, too much physical space, too much emotional space
🗜️ When Small Becomes Suffocating
🗜️
When Small Becomes Suffocating
The problem with making yourself small is that eventually, you forget how to be any other size. I realized I'd gotten so comfortable in corners that center stage felt foreign and terrifying. I'd trained myself out of wanting things, pursuing opportunities, or speaking up because all of that required taking up space I'd convinced myself I didn't deserve.
I remember missing out on job opportunities because I didn't think I belonged in leadership roles. Avoiding social events because they required being visible. Staying quiet in conversations where I had valuable input because I didn't want to draw attention to my speech.
The weird thing is, the more I tried to disappear, the more isolated I became. And isolation just reinforced the belief that I didn't belong in spaces where other people seemed so comfortable existing.
I remember missing out on job opportunities because I didn't think I belonged in leadership roles. Avoiding social events because they required being visible. Staying quiet in conversations where I had valuable input because I didn't want to draw attention to my speech.
The weird thing is, the more I tried to disappear, the more isolated I became. And isolation just reinforced the belief that I didn't belong in spaces where other people seemed so comfortable existing.
✨
Permission to Exist Fully
Here's what I'm teaching myself now: taking up space isn't selfish it's necessary. Not just for me, but for everyone who needs to see that different people belong in all kinds of spaces.
It starts small. Sitting where I want to sit instead of where I think I should sit. Speaking at my natural volume instead of whispering. Sharing my opinions instead of just nodding along. Wearing clothes that make me feel good instead of clothes that help me blend in.
Some days it feels revolutionary. Other days it feels terrifying. Most days it feels like both.
It starts small. Sitting where I want to sit instead of where I think I should sit. Speaking at my natural volume instead of whispering. Sharing my opinions instead of just nodding along. Wearing clothes that make me feel good instead of clothes that help me blend in.
Some days it feels revolutionary. Other days it feels terrifying. Most days it feels like both.
🌊
The Ripple Effect
The surprising thing about learning to take up space is how it affects everything else. When I stopped shrinking physically, I stopped shrinking professionally. When I stopped hiding my face, I stopped hiding my ideas. When I gave myself permission to exist fully in one area, it started spreading to others.
I'm not talking about becoming someone who demands attention or bulldozes through conversations. I'm talking about existing without constantly calculating whether I deserve to be there. About contributing to discussions instead of just listening. About pursuing opportunities instead of assuming they're not for people like me.
I'm not talking about becoming someone who demands attention or bulldozes through conversations. I'm talking about existing without constantly calculating whether I deserve to be there. About contributing to discussions instead of just listening. About pursuing opportunities instead of assuming they're not for people like me.
""Still Learning
Look, I still have days where I catch myself gravitating toward corners, still moments where I apologize for speaking up, still times when taking up space feels like asking for too much. But I'm getting better at recognizing when I'm shrinking and asking myself: Why?
Because here's the truth I'm slowly accepting I belong in spaces not despite my differences, but as someone whose differences might actually add something valuable to the conversation.
The world doesn't need me to be smaller to make others comfortable. It needs me to be fully present, fully engaged, and fully myself. That's not taking up too much space that's taking up exactly the space I'm meant to fill.